


Mass Effectively A Bad Idea

by EuphoriaWriter



Series: Adventures of FTM Reader and Mallek (Placeholder name) [3]
Category: FriendSim - Fandom, Hiveswap, Homestuck, Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect/Friendsim, Mass Effect/Hiveswap
Genre: Adult Mallek, Aliens, Crossover, Events of Mass Effect 2, FTM Male Shep, FTM X reader, Flirting, I think I mix the two well in this lmao, M/M, Mallek x reader - Freeform, Romance, i can't explain, oh i know, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 13:05:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17961095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EuphoriaWriter/pseuds/EuphoriaWriter
Summary: “Who is this?” you demand, you don’t like it when your communicator get’s fucked with and your best guess is whoever is on this line is responsible for the merciless drone strike on your team.“Damn you get straight to the point, kind of stole my niche opening Hacker line,” the voice rung through again, cool, calm and collective, you can hear light tapping on the other line, seems like this person kept the line open.





	1. First Contact

**Author's Note:**

> Oh no my hand really slipped

Across all the stars and galaxies you were a well know human Spectre for the Citadel, an ancient station left behind by a long gone race. The council there was governed by the founding races that learned to use the Mass Relays to travel there. As a Spectre you were given high rights by the council to make life changing decisions everyday, everything cam at a price, but you had a trusted crew you had managed to gather across the milky way.

Of course when you died and were reincarnated by Cerberus, well your Spectre status changed, but you still did your best to stay true to what would be right. Now with a new crew, the Normandy, rebuilt anew instead of from the scraps and rubble it was left in when you had died. Now though you were doing a favor for Aria, the pirate queen of Omega, you never minded the work she requested, it was always a returning favors deal with her.

You were to go investigate a lost freighter ship, a lot of these contained shipments Aria’s club needed, you know there was something else going on, but sooner or later you’d find out at the end of the mission. The best you could do was to bring your snipe and hack team with you, Garrus and Tali, suited up and clicking your chest plates together the two of you were dropped down onto the ship, finding the entry hatch. Tali elbowed you and Garrus out of her way to open it through her omni tool, you and Garrus shared a chuckle at her tenacity.

Once inside the ship there was an echoing silence that unsettled you, there was something wrong, very wrong in here. The airlock chamber was being worked on by Tali to open up for you all to go on board. The details of the mission was simple, figure out what’s been going on and try to retrieve a specific container on board. In exchange you would be getting highly modified parts for the Normandy and credits. Simple job, but it was never simple with Aria.

Once the airlock opened, you and Garrus swept in first, followed by Tali, who was closing the lock behind you. Looking around the hallway you and your team saddled up into a life support cube, which looked all too familiar, squinting you recognized the hexagon symbol and words spelling out  **Cerberus** .

“Bold of Aria to send us out to her shipment ship that’s a stolen and repainted Cerberus freighter,” you said, gesturing to the sign with your flashlight at the end of your gun.

Tali sighed and Garrus hummed, “ irony aside, if the layout is Cerberus then it should be easy to locate where they store the shipments then, sense you spent so much time on a Cerberus ship huh Shepard?”

Garrus nudges you with that jab, you pushed back against him, making a sarcastic remark that Garrus should then know all about eating ass sense he’s been doing that for so long. Tali cackled with laughter and Garrus did as well as you all moved out and down towards the shipment area. There was still that unsettling feeling, it finally sunk in when you and your team wound up at the mess hall and were immediately shot at by Cerberus drones.

Taking cover, you and your team slowly peel through the large amount of drones that were coming at you. Getting a feeling like you licked a battery your biotics started acting up a notch, not thinking much about it you threw a pulse of biotic energy at the pack of drones. They kept coming out from the woodwork like Husks, which wasn’t too big of an issue, except that with how funny your biotics were acting up it might be an issue. For once in your life it felt like your biotics were a toddler, tugging on your sleeve and trying to get you to play with them. Edi’s voice entered your helmet, but it was static and dull.

“ _Shep….Ard… There’s a, fre..q....ssue, I advise you…. Ele...nt zero inter….ance…. There is a…. Frequency… shipment room access.._ ”

“Edi you’re breaking up,” you said into your comms, snapping your clip out for a new one, Tali’s drone whirrs past you to take it’s own action as Tali yells for some cover. 

You and Garrus give it, shooting down drones while Tali makes a run through the mess hall with her drone following behind her. She shoots any drones down in her way, you spot a camouflaged one coming to flank her, so you charged, a full burst of biotic energy, sizzling hot and your temperature meters are going off. Tali shoots a quick thank you as she finds the access panel, practically ripping it apart, you give her cover, Garrus makes his own way towards you both, regrouping next to you with his sniper. There was an electrical whirring noise and a few clicks before Tali was yelling to go, not needing to be asked twice, you push Garrus inside the now opened chamber and Tali is tailgating behind you, practically leaping to the access panel in the room and hacks the door shut.

Taking a moment to breath, you go back to your comms.

“Edi, can you read me?”

“ _Oh wow, shit dude you have a deep voice_ ,” an unfamiliar voice answered through your comms, it came out relaxed and a little impressed. You furrowed your brows inside of your helmet.

“Who is this?” you demand, you don’t like it when your communicator get’s fucked with and your best guess is whoever is on this line is responsible for the merciless drone strike on your team.

“ _Damn you get straight to the point, kind of stole my niche opening Hacker line_ ,” the voice rung through again, cool, calm and collective, you can hear light tapping on the other line, seems like this person kept the line open.

“Not a good enough one to be keeping your line open like that,” Tali points out, tapping on her omnitool.

There was a clear laugh on the other line,” _I got a jammer, besides even if you could locate me on here I have you where I want you._ ”

Rolling your eyes, your team works through the dark corridor you had ended up in, it felt like one of those old horror vids you’ve seen, specifically the xenomorph queen ones. There were some exposed wire from the ceiling, Garrus had his sniper out and Tali was scanning around.

“ _I may be a shit hacker, but you see Shepard_ ,” the voice spoke again as you wound up at the end of the corridor, Tali worked to open up the door that was there.

“ _I’m just a simple information specialist, I have no interest in crossing your path, unless I want to know what it’s like to see my think pan spilled over the floor_.”

Garuss laughed, “he’s _Alternian_ and a smart one at that!” 

Alternian was another race, one that frequented the citadel a lot and was in high demand for a seat at the council, but had too many of their own government issues with a matriarchy like system. Most of Alternians were like tuarian in nature, going through military training when fully developed into adulthood, colloquially people refer to them as Trolls. Their people have some interesting culture in your opinion, but something found interesting to the scientists on the citadel was their clear blood caste system, wherein Alternians have blood color aligned with a hemospectrum. But the clear and frankly odd thing was how they were similar to the Protheans, an insectoid like structure and traces that were familiar to them. A lot of people made draws or claims that Alternians were the Protheans, but because of their history being a controversy in their culture and being withheld from a good portion of their civilization. It was all sorts of complicated, you’ve met a handful of Alternian’s and seen them fight, their brutal and usually still serving Alternian military. Krogans get along with Alternians incredibly well because of this.

“ _I could be a Human or a Quarian, subjectively speaking; Alternian speech has had been integrated through those two race’s speech patterns in the last five years or so,_ ” he spoke again on the comms.

“Got a reference to back that up smart guy?” you snarked, you swore you heard a snort on the other end.

The door hissed open, the next room was large, where the cargo was held in, your team were up on the catwalks overlooking the shipments. You spotted a few drones, you whipped out your pistol.

“ _Mind getting rid of those for me? Those drones are annoying_ ,” the voice rang out again as you shot down a few drones with a clank of metal.

“ _You mean you’re not in control of them?_ ” you asked, throwing out a pull and watching Tali pelt down the drone floating in the blue burst of energy.

“ _Oh no I am, I just hate ending a conversation half way through, especially when the other person dies. Kind of hard to get in touch again after that,_ ” he replied.

“So glad you care,” you snarked.

“ _Don’t worry Shepard, we’ll meet face to face, until_ _then_ ,” the line went dead, there was a beeping sound in your helmet before your comms cleared up again and Edi was speaking.

“Shepard, the interference has cleared up, would you like me to track it down?” Edi asked, voice clear and with no issues.

Your team finished up clearing out the drones and were now sweeping through the cargo hold, scanning for the shipment Aria wanted.

“No, I don't think he did the hit here, as long as we get the shipment and out of here Aria would have to deal with just the shipment.”

“Shepard, I got the shipment,” Tali called you over.


	2. Second Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You chuckled under your breath, this guy really liked to flirt, “alright buddy, why are you being so shy for?”
> 
> There was a pause on the other line, for a second you thought you lost connection until you heard an awkward cough,” just playing hide and seek here, I want to see if you can guess who I am; am I the alluring Asari that’s checking out your rear?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooooo

“That’s it? Just hacked drones,” Aria was looking at you in disbelief and distaste, her mouth was pursed, looking not so pleased by the report.

You stuck to your story though, leaving out the parts with the possible Alternian hacker that busted up your frequencies. If your hunch there turned out to be wrong you’d just eat it, but the more important part of the assignment was done and polished off.

“Well fine, that sounds nothing like the other reports, the drones on the ships in the other ones were deactivated, I’ll transfer your credits and you should be getting the parts on your ship now as we speak,” Aria finished her sentence curtly, tapping something out on her omni tool effortlessly and flicking her eyes up to you with disdain. “You can _leave_ now.”

Rolling your eyes you took that as your que to leave the secluded section, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your leather jacket, you came to deliver the mission mainly on your own. Thane came onto Omega for some side business that you allowed and Jack was probably off having a drink. You wanted to unwind after the mission, plus it’s been a long time since you really relaxed, the question was, did you want to get drunk on Omega, the Citadel or in the comfort of your own ship? I mean, you were quite literally in the Afterlife, and after getting the patrons rilled up from that Batarian who poisoned customers it was safe to say you could drink here. Maybe, this was Omega.

You realised you were idle on the steps to Aria’s little secured loft space and you should leave when the Taurian guard stopped you on your way out.

“Hey you have a guest in VIP,” he said, making you give him a confused and dumbfound look.

“He’s requesting you go up there and talk to him,” the Taurian added, “he’s kind of a big patron here so just go say hi and try not to spill blood everywhere.”

“I didn’t know patrons can tell me what to do,” you remarked with a grin.

Groans, “please just go and stop being a pain in the ass.”

Rolling your eyes you did a slow jog out of the Afterlife, passing by the ridiculous line of people waiting and making up any sort of lie they could think of to get in. You took the long way to get to the VIP section, reminding yourself that there was still your pistol sheathed in your armband holster incase anything happened. If this was some sort of ambush you’d be read to fight tooth and claw to rip someone to shreds. The guard at the VIP section recognized you from last time, let you in without a question.

The VIP section was the same as it was last time, fewer people here around than the main floor of the club, the music was a nice smooth low beat. You did not know where to begin, considering if you made eye contact with anyone there was a chance they just were flirting.

That was when your comms lit up, and a familiar voice filled your head, privately this time.

“ _Hey handsome_ ,” you could hear the low tone of the same music echoing in the background.

“Hey _yourself_ , never caught your _name_ last time,” you spoke lowly, scanning over the room with your eyes as you idly walking around the left side of the club.

“ _That’s because I did not give it, by the way, has anyone ever told you you should wear more leather?_ ” 

You chuckled under your breath, this guy really liked to flirt, “alright buddy, why are you being so shy for?”

There was a pause on the other line, for a second you thought you lost connection until you heard an awkward cough,” _just playing hide and seek here, I want to see if you can guess who I am; am I the alluring Asari that’s checking out your rear?_ ”

Surely enough you looked behind you slowly, catching eyes with a beautiful Asari, she waved at you in a sultury manner, you shot her a smile and kept walking.

“ _Am I the Krogan trying to start a fight at the bar so he can impress the Taurian?_ ”

Glancing over, surely enough there was a Krogan who was pressing into a Taurian, you chuckled at the scene before security swept them apart. 

“Is it safe to assume that you’re in seeing level of these events?” you asked, rounding around to turn around, looking over at a dark table at the other side of the club. There was a figure sitting in there, you can only make out the faint blue glow of their omni tool.

“ _You can think whatever you want, there’s a lot of possibilities in here, you could do anything you want, no one’s stopping you,_ ” the way his voice came out was lower than usual, it sent a shiver down your spine. You had to focus a bit, this was still the person who hacked drones to attack your squad, then again there’s been worse things done to you.

“What kind of drink do you like?” you asked, slowly walking over through the clubs dancefloor to the bar, getting a chuckle on the other end of the line.

“ _A Biotic Back Snapper_ ,” was the reply you got.

Saddling up to the bar you order one and then gave the bartender to choose a drink for you, you weren’t too picky, all alcohol tastes like cleaning supplies. The bartender gave you a wary look, the BBS was a pale neon blue with swirls of fuschia, a drink that usually was expensive because it was enhanced with zero element, but you were never too concerned about funds. Paying the tender, you grab the drinks, slowly approaching the corner where the dark booth was, keeping to the wall so your approach was not to be seen.

“So is there any incentive for me to even find you? Or are you working an angle on me?” you asked, making your voice as low and suggestive as you could.

There was a deep chuckle, you can sightly hear it around the corner, it made your knees turn to sap, “ _you made that way too easy for me to respond with something along the lines of perversion. I don't want to give your hopes up here Shepard_.”

Clicking your tongue in your mouth you shook your head and slid into the secluded area, flickering your eyes over the shadowed person you’ve been having faceless conversations with. You shoot them a smirk, walking towards them, you can hear a low curse come from them and the line was cut. 

“I don’t really think you could give my hopes up, you did have an interesting first impression on me,” you say, stopping in front of the booth and sliding his blue drink over towards the person.

You could see him a little better now, or at least you thought you did until he tapped something out on his omni tool, his face lit up with a blue glow. The light fixture above him finally seemed to start working, a low purple glow tinting over the booth. There was now a low hum from the light fixture, but more importantly you can see the man who keeps hacking through your comms.

Garrus was right about the Alternian jab, thick grey skin that lit up nicely under the purple light, Alternians were very humanoid in nature, a lot of people of the conservative alignment back home referred to them as demons. His form was thin, there was not much to take in with bulk considering how bagged out his clothes was. For the most part his shoulders were bold, there was a chest plate over his clothes as well as a few other pieces, almost dressed like a merc. The thing you liked about Alternian’s were mostly their uniquely shaped horns, they jutted out near their foreheads for the most part and had a shifting hue of ochre to crimson. He had a bold shaved look going on a nice tuft of black hair that was swept over his head while the rest was bare. 

Then there were the piercings, they were scattered over him, even to his horns, which looked like it was meticulously drilled in for a space to put the rings through. They all were the same color, blue a shade of cobalt that shined and glinted with the purple light.  But what you liked a lot about him was the drop of blue that were his eyes, rimmed around with a familiar yellow that all trolls carried. He flashes his teeth up at you, taking the drink, sharp incisors, somehow it did not make you feel intimidated, but there was a flash of heat that waved through your stomach. 

“Commander Shepard,” he nodded at you, smoothly and with a cool and collected face as his blue eyes roamed over you, you could practically feel the drag as if it was a physical thing.

“Can I sit down, or are you busy?” you asked with sarcasm heavy in your tone, gaining his visual attention to your face, you take a drink from your own cup, already feeling the prehumming in the back of your head.

“Hm, well I did not say you couldn’t,” he flashes his teeth again, all pointy and a bit jagged, you thought they looked perfect.

Rolling your eyes you join him in the booth, reminding yourself of the gun in your holster while the back of your head screamed to be more cautious. You should have also shot a message to Thane or Jack about what was happening, Edi will probably be able to send your location if things got too dicey.

“Are you going to let me in on your name while you’re at it?” yeah that was a subtle way of lewaying into getting him to answer you on that. 

He chuckled and his eye’s roamed over you, body language open and in your direction as he tilted his head to the side, showing off the column of his neck.

“I’m Mallek, Adalov, and I clearly know who you are, it’s hard not to; you’ve risen up from the dead after all and run laps around the Citadel,” he winks at you, rolling his head back with a small pop.

“Well you know so much about me, but I know nothing about you Mallek,” you pointed out, staring him down a bit, part of you wanted to keep the intimidation you upheld as  _ Commander Shepard _ in conversation. Just incase Mallek ends up trying to screw you over somehow.

“Hmmm, well, I’m a scorpio, my favorite color is blue and I like long walks along the coarse sediment of rocks along the ocean line,” he replied smoothly, but you were a little irritated, not liking where this is going.

“Ok smart guy, I’m leaving,” you moved to get up when you felt Mallek’s hand firmly grab your bicep, not digging in, just laid on there.

“Hey- shit, I’m nervous, it messes with my social caliber in my think pan, sorry,” you heard Mallek blurt out at once, and since meeting and talking to him, Mallek seemed to lose his composure. It made you feel a small wave of heat across your face.

You glanced down at his hand, his nails were painted black and there was a small design of snake tattoos on his fingers, they were all done in white and practically glowed under the light. Before you could second guess yourself you lifted a brow at him and slid back down to your seat, keeping his gaze in yours.

“I remember you said you were an information specialist last we talked, I don't know many Alternian’s that have that job in your military,” you said, offering that topic as a small chance to get Mallek to start talking.

“Uh yeah, it’s actually not, I’m technically a deserter,” he said, and you gave him a puzzled expression.

“Elaborate a little, that isn’t really a detail you tell someone who’s involved with the Council,” you pointed out and Mallek chuckles, his teeth showing.

“I don’t think you’ll be doing much about it, Alternian’s are not on the council yet; which is good, but I’m probably a small portion of escapees from the Alternian fleet. It’s a sub normal thing, no Alternian wants to be out fighting her self proclaimed war, I just had the opportunity and capabilities and took it.”

You nodded as you listened to him, you knew nothing much about Alternian’s, but you supposed you wouldn’t like being drafted when you grew up to a certain age. Then again there was little you knew about this culture, but on the flip side you’ve heard about this war, it was recklessly violent and almost meaningless. Their appointed matriarchy Condensce was trying to conquer a set of planets in her system, why, no one really knew. Some of the news you heard or whispered from Alternian soldiers was about it being a spite killing or that she was bored, which was gossip you did not understand inherently. There was a lot you did not know and you wished not to assume that the violent nature was just a stereotype.

“So now you’re an information specialist on Omega I assume,” you took a sip of your drink, it was tingling on your tongue as it danced down your throat.

“Mhmm, you can meet most deserters here, but I don’t like to stay in one place for long, been off the grid; most deserters are either brought back to the fleet or culled on the spot,” Mallek explained, slumping a little in his spot, he looked a bit worried.

“Sounds like we don’t have an Information Specialist on board the Normandy,” you offered, propping yourself up in your spot to talk seriously.

Mallek’s eyes flickered at you, a wandering blue flash of yellow and then blue again, he seemed contemplative, thinking through his options. You personally wanted someone like him on your team, Mallek was adept at hacking to a point that could come in handy, plus you were curious to see where things could go having hm on board.

“If I say yes would you get me another drink?” he asked cheekily, nudging you, you laugh and shoved him. You were excited for what kind of adventures you were going to have and for once since waking up from being dead, you felt a warm twinge in your chest.

* * *

“Shepard you can’t possibly let an Alternian on board,” Miranda was fussing at you at her office space, she did not look pleased at all by your new crewmate. Speaking of, Mallek was standing right next to you, hands in his pockets, one of his piercings lit up red and he chuckled as Miranda chewed you out.

“I love racism,” Mallek jokes at Miranda, who gestured at him away with her hand.

“We’re going to be in trouble with their war fleet because we took on a deserter, also we have no liable source about Alternian  _ tendencies _ ,” she hissed the last part out to you lowly, as if she was trying to tell you a secret. Mallek snorted, “I can hear you.”

You could feel the stress headache that was forming, it was starting to become a Miranda shaped one, at least Mallek seemed to be enjoying the conversation to a certain degree.

“Well then this will be a great learning curve for your liable tolerance tendencies  _ Lawson _ ,” you stared her down as you said this, keeping your voice strict and for extra measures you crossed your arms at her.

“Whatever Shepard, do what you want,” she said dismissively, you shook your head at her.

Miranda has always been a pain in the ass for a Cerberus agent, Jacob and most of the other Cerberus crew members were way more tolerable than this. Then again, you had more a biased when it came to her caliber of bullshit. You were having a normal conversation between yourself and her when getting to know Miranda. Listening to some of her stories and accomplishments you complimented her, somehow, she took it the wrong way and thought you were flirting with her. This was when Miranda felt the less than innocuous need to tell you she was not interested in biological female’s, you held back on wailing on her and took it out on the mercs when you were tracking down Archangel.

But it was something you kept in the back of your head, especially sense she was there during your process of being put back together again. You were just glad to find that in the process of reconstructing your body that they respectfully put things back the way they were when you died, no tits, full vagina. There was apparently a doctor on Cerberus that implemented testosterone for you, which you were grateful for, but another part of you wondered how much they messed with your biology.

You and Mallek stepped out of her office, you turned to him, “sorry, she’s like that,” you said bluntly as the door clicked locked behind you.

Mallek shrugged, “I’ve heard worse from my own species, we’re kind of huge assholes.”

“I hope not too much, by the way you sure you want to stay at the observation port?” you asked, walking with him towards that area of the ship.

“Yeah, it has a nice view, plus there’s a bar there,” he grinned at you and you scoffed out a small laugh.

“Well I gotta go, if you have any questions feel free to hack my comms if you need me,” you said and Mallek chuckled at that, shaking his head.

“Will do Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a cool comment, only cool kids do that

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a cool comment and I'll see ya'll in the next one, let me know how you feel about this crossover


End file.
